21.10.14

In today's lesson myself and my group came to a point where everything is starting to fall into place. Today was quite an emotional rehearsal as we really dived into our emotions and certain things that have happened in our lives. We are using Stanislavskis method in a way as we are interpreting our real emotions into our piece to create a strong and meaningful performance. As our piece is about life and the different pathways people chose in life and the circumstances people get themselves into, we really needed to focus on how we feel about our own lives and what are the main issues we feel at the moment in our lives, and how to convey these emotions to the audience. We want the audience to understand our performance and see how different decisions and circumstances can change you and lead you into things you would not think you would do. 

As a group all 3 of us discussed our lives and the main situations we feel passionate about and how they have changed our lives. Jade focused on being a teenage mum and what it meant for her and how hard the decision was for her to make and how it has made her a better person , this conversation really touched me and we have became much more close as a group. We each listen to each other and understand what we all want to portray from this piece. Max was focusing on drugs, and how drugs have affected his life and how they have changed him and not negative reasons but positive reasons, but I was not present for the whole conversation. And the main point I wanted to focus on is loss and change, I am not a very open person and I tend to bottle my feelings up inside myself, which I try very hard not to do. I did not go into too much detail as it is hard for me to talk about certain things which have happened but this year I have suffered loss, which has predominately led to change, which is something I personally do not like too much! I want to portray how life can lead you down a pathway, but sometimes that pathway changes and everything that you thought was going to happen, actually does not happen and how loss changes  you as a person, and changes the way you view things in life, Even if you do not want to change sometimes it just naturally happens. I want to portray my raw Emotions and express myself to the audience as a being in the world who has suffered loss and has been pushed into a corner and has had to just accept the way things are, even though things are not the way I would like them to be at this present day. This project has so far helped me to portray my emotions and just try to understand that life is not fair and even though it is my life, it's not always about what I want and I have to sacrifice feelings I have for the sake of others. 

This lesson today allowed me to be become closer with my group as I was quite upset in front of jade and max today which is nothing like me, and was able to tell them what was on my mind and how I was feeling about it. I trust my group and I know that I find emotions very hard to deal with so coming out of myself and letting my feelings be seen was hard today, but worth it as I feel a lot more calm now that I have let some emotion out, and it has helped me a lot performance wise as I now know what my monologue is going to be based on and how I am going to show these emotions to the audience on the night of the show. 

As a group in our next rehearsal time we need to begin to devise the second scene of our performance, which involves Max rolling the dice and the game of life beginning. When max does this me and jade will take it turns to "move" on the game board and each roll of the dice takes us to different parts of our lives which have affected us the most. So the audience are seeing snippets of our lives and how the decisions and situations we have made have taken us to where we are today. We do not want to have specific  characters, we do not want to create a personalised character with a name and objectives, but we want to portray 3 beings all trapped in the same universe, who have all been through something in their lives which has caused them to be where the are today and we want the audience to be able to relate to our piece and to understand how we are trying to portray life in an abstract way rather than creating too much of a narrative. We do not want our 3 characters to interact with each other, we will physically as we are working as a group and it is not just a one man show, but we do not want to talk to each other, we want to create the illusion that we are 3 vessels, trapped in the game of life, all in similar situations, but do not know each other exist. Myself and Jade need to create a monologue each, or a few mini monologues, to portray to the audience what stage of life we are in after the dice have been rolled, when performing my monologue I want to use movement as well, gestures to show my emotions and how it is effecting me, rather than creating a narrative and a storyline, it is almost like we are individually sharing our memories  from our own minds with the audience, UN aware that we are being watched....